Giveaway

November 26, 2009

Mary over at Owlhaven is having a giveaway…Up for grabs is a Emerilware Stainless 4-Quart Sauce Pan … It looks pretty awesome to me, I know that I could use a new saucepan of this quality. If you could use one too, drop by and leave a comment for Mary..She loves to hear from folks…While you are there, check out her book too….I know its on my wish list….

 

In the meantime, have a happy Thanksgiving tomorrow. As we celebrated last Sunday, tomorrow will be devoted to laundry and working on my genealogy. Keep an eye out on my sister blog Wading in the Gene Pool for updates!

 

I love this linky

October 30, 2009

love all this | Inspired by jeannr, I flowcharted the Beatles….

Seven months and counting

September 24, 2009

That’s how long it will be until my son comes home from his first tour with the USMC.  Here’s hoping he comes home to his mentally exhausted mother safe and sound.

005

Day Five: Please return your seats to their upright position.

August 18, 2009

The title is in reference to Tasra’s Day Five Post and her observation that the safety spiel that airlines do at the beginning of the flight might apply for life in general as well.

I could really use a flight attendant in my life right about now. I have had the chorus to Lady Antebellum’s song Run to you running through my head for the past few months….but it’s been an especially loud chorus the past few weeks.

“This world keeps spinning faster
into a new disaster so I run to you”

Between the fostering of my second grandbaby and the birth (today) of the third grandbaby, plus the raising of my own set of 7 year old twins, plus the co-raising of my youngest daughter and my niece and nephew….and the job hunt….sometimes I just look at Keith and ask him if the ride is over yet…can I go home? Oh wait hon, you ARE home.

So without further ado, here is today’s challenge (courtesy of Tasra)

“TODAY’S CHALLENGE

1. How would you rate your health in each of these four areas?

  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Relational

2. What’s the greatest challenge to improving your health in these areas? 

 

3. Write down a specific goal for each of these four areas that you can pursue during the rest of this month. Make sure the goals are SMART. ”

 

Spiritual Health: I’d have to say that I am content with my health in this aspect…I have faith that what is meant to be is meant to be. There are lessons to be learned in life and whomever is up there and in charge of the big picture (and yes, Kids, there is always a BIG PICTURE) put challenges in our path to learn the lesson’s not to stop them. I can get through this….I have faith in that fact even when I don’t have faith in my abilities to do so. Yes I see the contradiction in that sentence but it’s still valid. I know I will, I just don’t always know how….

Greatest challenge: I want to learn more. I want more knowledge of other beliefs….my basic faith is there, but I have always chafed at the old dogma and rhetoric that “organized” religion often sees.

Goals: Once my bandwidth is up, I want to read more online about different belief systems.

Physical Health: Eh, could be much better. I’m a robust woman with a small country that resides in the general vicinity of my butt and hips. My knees are feeling the strain of supporting aforementioned population. I have had chronic lower back pain for the past 20 years. Oh and I have sleep apnea. On the plus side, my blood pressure is steady and I am not diabetic, despite my family history of type 2 at around my age. Basically if I lost about 100 lbs, I’d be good.

Greatest Challenge: My brain. I’m physically pretty lazy. I wouldn’t say I’m sloth like, and it’s not like I can’t keep up with my kids and my job as a Mom. But given a choice, I’d probably sit and read a book or watch the Food Network rather than go on a two mile walk. I’m not mentally lazy, but it’s fair to say I need to get off my butt more.

Emotional Health: I have said before that I look at things in a dual brained way….I have been fighting diagnosed clinical depression for my entire adult life. With the job loss, and the resulting loss of insurance, I am working through my life and the stress unmedicated, which is a challenge. I can find my way through any issue using my logic but then I also find myself feeling the tears well up on the back of my eyes sometimes too….and if asked I can’t tell you why I am on the verge of tears.

Greatest Challenge (and Goal): Sometimes I need to give myself permission to lose it and cry or be angry or whatever. I’m a control freak and it’s hard to just let go. But if I Don’t then I can get to wound up and then just snap. Better to deal with it as needed to then to just explode.

Relational Health: For the most part, I’d have to say that I’m doing well with my relations…I worry about being to hard on my daughters especially Birdie…she’s got the signs of ADHD, which both of her brothers had…my life with Keith is evening out, we still aren’t married (rats!) but we have been together for 9 years come September 3rd. That’s got to count for something. As with any romantic relationship you have your rough spots and lack of trust. The Trick is to work past the negative and never give up. I believe the man is my soul mate, that has never changed. But it’s about communication.

Greatest Challenge (and Goal): Because of my previously admission of being a control freak the biggest challenge I have is to remember that not everyone communicates the same way or that everyone processes emotions and issues the same way. I’m pretty in your face about things but the people in my life need to process slowly…I have to keep this in mind so that I don’t keep pushing…..say what needs to be said, then let it go and revisit later if needed.

 

That’s it for now, I’m exhausted….G’night.

And now for something completely off topic

August 18, 2009

Once again Life interfered with my challenge posts….but I have a good excuse.

 

I’m a grandma again. Yes, indeed….Ms. Cloe Anne was born this morning. This is my third grandbaby by my (step)son. Love that boy dearly but he is probably responsible for the majority of white hair that I have sprout from my punkin head.

 

I told him that I’m only 38, and already a three time Nana….Don’t tell him this but I’d have it no other way, really.

 

But don’t tell him that…Please..It is much more amusing to harass him about it.

Day 4: Will vs. Real

August 15, 2009

It would figure that while I was self committed to post double posts to catch up, my bandwidth on my satellite connection is maxed out. Completely.

My oldest daughter (22 years old) is horribly irritable about it.

Be that as it may….

So I re-read Tasra’s Day 4 post, and there were several things about it that spoke to me….But first the questions:

 
 

· In what area are you struggling the most to change? Is it weight loss, health, bad habits, relationships?

· What are your current barriers to spiritual health and connection to your Creator?

 
 

Areas of opportunity:

That is what they call it in a call center environment. It’s never “things you need to fix” or “this is where you are sucking wind” or “these are your deficiencies.” No they are “Areas of Opportunity.” I’d have to say that my biggest area of opportunity is dealing with my control freak nature and the size of my butt. No I’m not being horribly flip. I am the biggest control freak I know. But I use my powers for good. Honest.

I try hard to realize that I can’t fix everything. But realizing it when I can, still doesn’t preclude my attempts to fix everything regardless. I can’t help it. It’s in my nature. I have been seriously referred to at work by co-workers as “Da Momma.” It’s a condition.

Be that as it may, it’s a part of who I am. The best thing I can do is to realize that I can’t fix it, but the issue that I have with that is that it’s a double edged sword. I have spent the past several years identifying myself as Ms. Fix it and Da Momma so that if I stop I feel like I have lost this huge part of myself, and yet that attitude is causing me to overextend myself emotionally and mentally, to point where I feel like I don’t have my own personal identity.

Barriers:

Hehe, see the above statement. I tell everyone that I am probably pagan. I say that because I take some many of my tenets of faith from one culture or another. I believe that everyone needs to have faith in something….I believe that there are higher powers. Sounds fairly Western Christian…Until I mention that I believe that There is a God and a Goddess …ying and yang….black and white…light and dark…I believe that all that is good has to be balanced and all that is bad has to be balanced. It just makes sense to me. Perhaps you agree, perhaps you don’t. I’m pretty okay with it if you aren’t…pretty okay if you do…it works for me and that’s what matters to me.

But regardless the difficulty in letting go and letting my pair of creators take control and have faith in them, I tend to keep my control in a death grip close to me.

Being dual brained about this, I can see where it is damaging me and that I’m not letting my higher powers doing their jobs, but I can’t just let go.

Day Three-only slightly delayed.

August 13, 2009

Okay so I had planned on doing this challenge on time on a daily basis.

Then life hit and I had several job interviews and had to put in applications, then I had to help Keith with some stuff. Needless to say any time that I spent online was doing mindless stuff like playing Farkle to keep my brain off the fact that I felt like I was withering. I have been out of work for about two weeks and while I fully expected a considerable chunk of that time to be spent looking for more work, I had also hoped to work on my genealogy stuff and my writing because that is the type of thing that brings something to my life, whether it is meaning for MY existence beyond Mother, and Partner. Instead I have been just worn away by the day to day mom and house mouse stuff and the kids starting school. I feel horrible saying that because I don’t want the perception that I don’t love my family, because I do…but it’s hard when there is no time for you.

I have been reading the posts that Tasra has posted during her challenge and I have been keeping up on thinking about the lessons to be learned. I will be posting the daily posts, perhaps two daily to catch up….

But not today…starting tomorrow I will post no less than two. At least till I catch-up….

Okay on to the day three stuff:

Step 1: Keep a time journal this week for how you spend your days.

Step 2: Evaluate the biggest time waster and what the payoff was.

Step 3: Write a short list of alternate activities you can do next time.

Step 4: How would you describe your current season of life?

1: I can’t. Pure and simple. It’d take me more time to write up a time journal. Time has a way of stealing away from me…..when I do track it…I still find myself having to justify not getting this done or that done. Kinda like this blog….It’s something that I have to do to…I feel it. I want to, I need to. But if I take the time to write, it’s like I have to justify the time to my family (not that they would openly give me grief, it’s more of a perceived accusations.)

2: My biggest time waster is called wheel spinning. Today I went to do a drug test so I can start work on the 24th. Fine no problem, then I had to run to the factory 2 you to get a few spare uniform shirts for the girls. Then I put gas in the car and came home. I ate lunch, and then dozed off for about ten minutes before the baby and grandbaby woke up from their nap. Then I had to deal with 4 kindergarten and first grade kids, the 6 month old and the grandbaby. Normally I do well, but the kids were all kinds of funky because Keith has a new schedule for part of the week now and he missed three nights with them, and they aren’t doing well with the change. He isn’t either but he’s not here right now… regardless, that’s where my time goes. I’m trying to get the kids to understand that they don’t need to be underfoot constantly and normally they adjust better but this time it’s just taking a bit longer. It seriously is eating into Momma’s ME time.

3: Write. Walk. Duct tape the kids to the wall….I have hot pink tape I could use. Oh all right I won’t duct tape them. But it DID sound somewhat appealing for all of two seconds.

4: The current season is probably winter. Or perhaps fall going into Winter. With my losing my job and issues with Keith’s job…and then the just stress of having the
grandbaby staying with us…not her per se, but the situation that is causing her to be in our care….just life in general I guess. We are over stressed financially, emotionally…I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s very faint and quite a bit away. I have been accused of having a “What needs to be done will be done.” Kind of attitude in my life and it’s always served me well but there are times where it’s not always easy to see the big picture for others. I have been told that my mindset is not realistic, but it’s worked for me so far.

Whew…I’m tired now.

Day Two–Internal Critics.

August 8, 2009

1. Answer this: If you were certain your life would end in 30 days, what would be your biggest regret? Why?
2. Analyze this: What area of your life are you suffering from Someday Syndrome? (SS=one day, when, if only)
3. Realize this: Today IS your Someday!
4. Choose this: What metaphor would describe your life if you were fully awake and engaged?
5. Find this: Find a symbol to represent your metaphor and post it somewhere to remind you.

Biggest Regret:

My biggest regret would be that I always seem to be second guessing myself.  How many times have I failed to seize an oppurtunity because I let my dual brained nature rationalize the possibilities? How many negative or painful consequences could I have avoided?  How many lost moments with my older children who are now adults.

someday Syndrome:

MY time always is impacted by the SS.  I will have the family history documented as far back as possible.  Someday.  I will write enough to support my family, or at least enough that I don’t have to work outside the home. Someday.  I will take time for myself.  Someday.  I will have a hugely popular and well read  blog.  Heh, yeah, Someday.

My Metaphor:

There is a scene in Shawshank Redemption where Andy Dufresne escapes from prison by crawling through 500 yards of sewage and comes out the other side, standing in the middle of a drainage ditch, and raises his hands, and looks to the sky with his eyes closed, with the rain washing the filth from his skin and clothes.  That is the key moment in a movie that has more then it’s share of symbolic moments.  I’d like to think that when I stop second guessing myself and I stay focused on ME, and what I need to do for me, separate from my family and my home…then it’ll be like the rain, washing the fear that often reeks and poisons the soul, from my skin.

Hmmm..that almost sounded profound.  Or perhaps that is my internal critic second guessing what I just wrote.  Tough, internal critic.  I’m posting this.  If it moves someone else, great….if not, oh well…I’m not going to second guess this one.

Day One of the Challenge

August 6, 2009

Day one of the challenge…here is the task as set forth by Tesra

Day One:

  • Make a list of 5 things you would change if you knew you only had 30 days to live.
  • Choose one of the above to start today.
  • Describe how you would like your life to be different at the end of these 30 days. What has prepared you to be where you are right now?

Tell at least one other person that you’re taking on this challenge. Ask them to check in with you 30 days from now.

Hmmmm.

Okay here goes.

Make a list.

1. Don’t stress the small stuff.
2. Be sure that all of my children know what they mean to me if they don’t already.
3. Finish as much of the Family tree as possible and give it to my children.
4. Write.  Doesn’t matter if it’s blogging, on Helium, on scratch paper.  Just Write.
5. Make sure that Keith is taken care of.  Doesn’t matter if I have to write him ten years worth of daily affirmations. Anything to remind him that I am and always will be with him.

Okay….that was actually more difficult that I thought.

Moving on..Now I have to pick one to work with…

Surprisingly I’m going with Number 4. I’m going to write.

Now it’s not because I don’t want to leave something of myself for my children or Keith.  I do.  And short of being there to hold their hand and hug them and kiss them, the best thing I can think to do long term is to write.  Perhaps doing that, I can talk to them after I am no longer here

Does that make sense?

When the thirty days are done, I’d like to know that I have found my voice.  So often when I write, I am too critical of my voice.  I imagine so many posts or articles or letters in my mind at any given time, I imagine my words having meaning for somebody ANYBODY, besides just myself.  But when it comes time to actually type, I type a sentence…then read it, then delete a word, add two more.  Delete another three words.  Contemplate what it is I really want to say.

I want my family to hear my voice long after I am gone.  I want them to feel that I am not gone.  Perhaps it’s my own vanity…a way to keep myself in their hearts and minds.

What do you think?

30 days to live challenge

August 6, 2009

I have been invited by Tasra Dawson over at Real Women Scrap to participate in a month long challenge.

What would you do if you only had one month to live.

I’m going to join in…Will you?

I am a five days late…so I think I’m going to start with day one today, then I’ll just run 5 days behind
Tasra.

100 things about me

August 4, 2009

In honor of Erin’s 100th post at Closing Time, here is a list of 100 things about me, that you always wanted to know but never asked, or you thought you knew but wasn’t sure of.

Or not. =)

1. I am a Natural redhead
2. I am 38
3. I have the mother of 6
4. I only spawned 3 of those 6. The others I claim.
5. I am a grandmother of 2, with #3 due at any time.
6. Middle grandbaby currently lives with me
7. I have been with the same man for 9 years.
8. We met when I got a flat tire.
9. I had already removed the tire from the car
10. We met on September 3rd 2000.
11. We have never been apart since that day.
12. I am proud of all of my children.
13. I have a son in the Marines.
14. I am so proud of him.
15. I am currently unemployed.
16. I need to go back to school
17. I love pizza
18. I love dark chocolate.
19. I really need to lose some weight
20. I am watching MONK while typing this up.
21. I am a big Robin Williams fan.
22. I am a big Dennis Leary fan.
23. I loved George Carlin’s routines
24. I love to write.
25. I love purple.
26. But not Barney the dinosaur.
27. I love reading Vince Flynn books
28. I read Jeffery Deaver
29. I can’t believe that I am still going after almost 30 facts.
30. I have a bad temper
31. Did I mention that I love Pro Wrestling?
32. Yes I know it’s fake.
33. My favorite movie is the Shawshank Redemption
34. My second favorite movie the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
35. I am still watching MONK.
36. I have twin girls.
37. I love researching my family history.
38. I am so vain about my hair. It’s tailbone length.
39. I want to learn how to can foods.
40. I want to learn to garden
41. I love steak
42. And cheese
43. I can’t stand emptying out the dishwasher or putting dishes away.
44. I can’t stand to fold laundry but I’m the only that really does it.
45. That’s why I’m training the twins to help.
46. I have periodic food fetishes. Right now it’s hot sauce
47. I like to do surveys online.
48. I live on my laptop sometimes.
49. I wish I was a more proficient blogger.
50. I’m a perfectionist, which is why I don’t blog as much as I should. I hate rough drafts.
51. My favorite (non wrestling) TV show is Heroes
52. I wish wordpress.com supported javascript.
53. I learned to type so well by visiting chatrooms and teaching web design
54. I can type 70 wph, when I’m not being tested, otherwise I test at 55 wph.
55. My accuracy is around 98%
56. I want to visit Ireland
57. I love green landscapes.
58. I often wonder why I still live in the desert
59. I still haven’t figured out what I want to be when I grow up
60. My favorite song right now is Boondocks by little big town
61. I’m a big Toby Keith fan.
62. I also like Guns and Roses
63. It’s safe to say that musically, I’m a child of the 80’s
64. I have been the same height since I was in 7th grade. (five foot 4 inches)
65. I like to drink coca-cola
66. I like caramel mocha frappachinos from Starbucks.
67. I can’t drink black coffee.
68. I have a craving for nachos at the moment.
69. I am a daily facebooker.
70. I’m also a writer at Helium.com
71. My best friend is a Mary Kay consultant.
72. I don’t drink beer.
73. I only occasionally drink alcohol regardless.
74. I am a recovering redneck
75. I am a loyal friend.
76. I can’t stand hypocrites.
77. I tell all my kids that I will do anything but lie to or for them.
78. Beyond that I’m there for them
79. I tend to procrastinate
80. I lost faith in my last job and it cost me my job.
81. I believe in the capacity of human nature to both heal and hurt at the same time.
82. I am a spiritual if not religious person.
83. I believe in the power of faith, even if it’s not in one deity.
84. I believe that politics is a waste of time for all parties.
85. I am a hopeless cynic
86. I have an idealistic streak in my as well.
87. I wanted to be an actor when I was younger
88. My nickname at work was Da Momma
89. I believe in the power of hope
90. My daughters were born 10 weeks early.
91. They are my gifts from the God/Goddess.
92. I little patience for active stupidity in people.
93. I can forgive ignorance, unless it’s chosen ignorance
94. I may be a bit harsh and inflexible.
95. I am allergic to exercise.
96. Not really, I’m just a bit lazy about it.
97. I am tired a bit at the moment.
98. Have I mentioned I’m a fan of pro wrestling?
99. It’s my dream to be appreciated
100. I am shocked I came up with 100 things about me.

Siblings up on high…

August 1, 2009

I was visiting Mary over at OwlHaven and I saw her latest post. It reminded me of how younger siblings can put older siblings up on a pedestal. I think it only happens after you have multi generational children. My son was 13 when the twins were born and I have to admit, with my working, I most likely depended on him way to much with raising them. The boy was a natural at diaper duty though.

The girls still think he walks on water. Thankfully, being in the Corp, he has finally realized this and actually appreciates the position he holds in their lives.

Aiyana, Damian and Caitlyn

It only took 5 and a half years and a year in the USMC.

Slowly but surely

July 31, 2009

So with all the chaos in my life this week, my blog hopping is going much slower then I wanted. For all who are participating in the BH sponsored by Robin over at Pensieve, I got cocky and say that I would visit everyone….

I meant it.

Eventually.

Seriously.

No, I’m really going to visit everyone. At least once. In deference to my growing senility, I may visit more then once as I go through the list.

SERIOUSLY!

Sheesh!

Simplify

July 30, 2009

So I walked into work today and three hours later I was sitting in HR with my HR director and direct supervisor being told that as much as I was liked by my peers and other supervisors, they coudln’t just create an alternate position for me.

After almost five years with the company..

Wow.

I called the hubby first..and apologized before I even said hello in tears.  After an hour I thought I was doing well until I called my most bestest wonderfulest friend in the world, Jael…who is a Mary Kay consultant. For those uninitiated into the world of Mary Kay, this week in Dallas is their annual “seminar.” This is where all of the consultants get together, meet the National Directors and such and basically have a very empowering experience. So an hour after I left work I sent her a text message basically saying that I had lost my job. She called me immediately and after about 5 minutes of mindless phone tag because still had my phone on “work mode/vibrate,” she told me that she loved me and that she was sorry….and then proceeded to tell me that she had walked out of a National Directors speech to call me, because I was that important to her.

That’s the sign of a true friend, someone who can make you break down and cry just by saying “You mean that much to me.”

I then sent Keith another text about an hour after that and said that I had been granted a $19 voucher from the local food co-op. I mentioned that it was the high point of my day. He reminded me that the high point of my day was waking up this morning knowing that he and my children were alive and well.

“Simplify” he wrote.

And that’s what it pretty much boils down to…simplify.

Rocking and Rolling at the (Blog)Hop!

July 25, 2009

It’s all Mary’s fault (I blame everything fun on Mary). She posted about the Blog Hop. I plan on visiting every blog tonight…as there is over 200 so far, I guess sleep tonight is out of the question…if you haven’t joined the part yet, what are you waiting for???? Get going…

Edited to include about me stuff:  I’m a mom of six (3 that I spawned, 3 that I claim), a grandaughter to two with the third on the way.  and the middle grandbaby is living with me…I work full time as a work force analyst at a call center…I have been with my partner Keith for the 8 and a half years and he is my soulmate.  I write to stay sane and to block out the noise of two sets of twins, a toddler and a baby at dinnertime.  I write on helium, research genealogy like a madwoman, and have a wickedly warped sense of humor.   I am a self taught techno nerdlet (not nearly as nerdy as some, but a bit more then your average Mama Bear.


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