Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

Day Two–Internal Critics.

August 8, 2009

1. Answer this: If you were certain your life would end in 30 days, what would be your biggest regret? Why?
2. Analyze this: What area of your life are you suffering from Someday Syndrome? (SS=one day, when, if only)
3. Realize this: Today IS your Someday!
4. Choose this: What metaphor would describe your life if you were fully awake and engaged?
5. Find this: Find a symbol to represent your metaphor and post it somewhere to remind you.

Biggest Regret:

My biggest regret would be that I always seem to be second guessing myself.  How many times have I failed to seize an oppurtunity because I let my dual brained nature rationalize the possibilities? How many negative or painful consequences could I have avoided?  How many lost moments with my older children who are now adults.

someday Syndrome:

MY time always is impacted by the SS.  I will have the family history documented as far back as possible.  Someday.  I will write enough to support my family, or at least enough that I don’t have to work outside the home. Someday.  I will take time for myself.  Someday.  I will have a hugely popular and well read  blog.  Heh, yeah, Someday.

My Metaphor:

There is a scene in Shawshank Redemption where Andy Dufresne escapes from prison by crawling through 500 yards of sewage and comes out the other side, standing in the middle of a drainage ditch, and raises his hands, and looks to the sky with his eyes closed, with the rain washing the filth from his skin and clothes.  That is the key moment in a movie that has more then it’s share of symbolic moments.  I’d like to think that when I stop second guessing myself and I stay focused on ME, and what I need to do for me, separate from my family and my home…then it’ll be like the rain, washing the fear that often reeks and poisons the soul, from my skin.

Hmmm..that almost sounded profound.  Or perhaps that is my internal critic second guessing what I just wrote.  Tough, internal critic.  I’m posting this.  If it moves someone else, great….if not, oh well…I’m not going to second guess this one.

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Day One of the Challenge

August 6, 2009

Day one of the challenge…here is the task as set forth by Tesra

Day One:

  • Make a list of 5 things you would change if you knew you only had 30 days to live.
  • Choose one of the above to start today.
  • Describe how you would like your life to be different at the end of these 30 days. What has prepared you to be where you are right now?

Tell at least one other person that you’re taking on this challenge. Ask them to check in with you 30 days from now.

Hmmmm.

Okay here goes.

Make a list.

1. Don’t stress the small stuff.
2. Be sure that all of my children know what they mean to me if they don’t already.
3. Finish as much of the Family tree as possible and give it to my children.
4. Write.  Doesn’t matter if it’s blogging, on Helium, on scratch paper.  Just Write.
5. Make sure that Keith is taken care of.  Doesn’t matter if I have to write him ten years worth of daily affirmations. Anything to remind him that I am and always will be with him.

Okay….that was actually more difficult that I thought.

Moving on..Now I have to pick one to work with…

Surprisingly I’m going with Number 4. I’m going to write.

Now it’s not because I don’t want to leave something of myself for my children or Keith.  I do.  And short of being there to hold their hand and hug them and kiss them, the best thing I can think to do long term is to write.  Perhaps doing that, I can talk to them after I am no longer here

Does that make sense?

When the thirty days are done, I’d like to know that I have found my voice.  So often when I write, I am too critical of my voice.  I imagine so many posts or articles or letters in my mind at any given time, I imagine my words having meaning for somebody ANYBODY, besides just myself.  But when it comes time to actually type, I type a sentence…then read it, then delete a word, add two more.  Delete another three words.  Contemplate what it is I really want to say.

I want my family to hear my voice long after I am gone.  I want them to feel that I am not gone.  Perhaps it’s my own vanity…a way to keep myself in their hearts and minds.

What do you think?

30 days to live challenge

August 6, 2009

I have been invited by Tasra Dawson over at Real Women Scrap to participate in a month long challenge.

What would you do if you only had one month to live.

I’m going to join in…Will you?

I am a five days late…so I think I’m going to start with day one today, then I’ll just run 5 days behind
Tasra.

100 things about me

August 4, 2009

In honor of Erin’s 100th post at Closing Time, here is a list of 100 things about me, that you always wanted to know but never asked, or you thought you knew but wasn’t sure of.

Or not. =)

1. I am a Natural redhead
2. I am 38
3. I have the mother of 6
4. I only spawned 3 of those 6. The others I claim.
5. I am a grandmother of 2, with #3 due at any time.
6. Middle grandbaby currently lives with me
7. I have been with the same man for 9 years.
8. We met when I got a flat tire.
9. I had already removed the tire from the car
10. We met on September 3rd 2000.
11. We have never been apart since that day.
12. I am proud of all of my children.
13. I have a son in the Marines.
14. I am so proud of him.
15. I am currently unemployed.
16. I need to go back to school
17. I love pizza
18. I love dark chocolate.
19. I really need to lose some weight
20. I am watching MONK while typing this up.
21. I am a big Robin Williams fan.
22. I am a big Dennis Leary fan.
23. I loved George Carlin’s routines
24. I love to write.
25. I love purple.
26. But not Barney the dinosaur.
27. I love reading Vince Flynn books
28. I read Jeffery Deaver
29. I can’t believe that I am still going after almost 30 facts.
30. I have a bad temper
31. Did I mention that I love Pro Wrestling?
32. Yes I know it’s fake.
33. My favorite movie is the Shawshank Redemption
34. My second favorite movie the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
35. I am still watching MONK.
36. I have twin girls.
37. I love researching my family history.
38. I am so vain about my hair. It’s tailbone length.
39. I want to learn how to can foods.
40. I want to learn to garden
41. I love steak
42. And cheese
43. I can’t stand emptying out the dishwasher or putting dishes away.
44. I can’t stand to fold laundry but I’m the only that really does it.
45. That’s why I’m training the twins to help.
46. I have periodic food fetishes. Right now it’s hot sauce
47. I like to do surveys online.
48. I live on my laptop sometimes.
49. I wish I was a more proficient blogger.
50. I’m a perfectionist, which is why I don’t blog as much as I should. I hate rough drafts.
51. My favorite (non wrestling) TV show is Heroes
52. I wish wordpress.com supported javascript.
53. I learned to type so well by visiting chatrooms and teaching web design
54. I can type 70 wph, when I’m not being tested, otherwise I test at 55 wph.
55. My accuracy is around 98%
56. I want to visit Ireland
57. I love green landscapes.
58. I often wonder why I still live in the desert
59. I still haven’t figured out what I want to be when I grow up
60. My favorite song right now is Boondocks by little big town
61. I’m a big Toby Keith fan.
62. I also like Guns and Roses
63. It’s safe to say that musically, I’m a child of the 80’s
64. I have been the same height since I was in 7th grade. (five foot 4 inches)
65. I like to drink coca-cola
66. I like caramel mocha frappachinos from Starbucks.
67. I can’t drink black coffee.
68. I have a craving for nachos at the moment.
69. I am a daily facebooker.
70. I’m also a writer at Helium.com
71. My best friend is a Mary Kay consultant.
72. I don’t drink beer.
73. I only occasionally drink alcohol regardless.
74. I am a recovering redneck
75. I am a loyal friend.
76. I can’t stand hypocrites.
77. I tell all my kids that I will do anything but lie to or for them.
78. Beyond that I’m there for them
79. I tend to procrastinate
80. I lost faith in my last job and it cost me my job.
81. I believe in the capacity of human nature to both heal and hurt at the same time.
82. I am a spiritual if not religious person.
83. I believe in the power of faith, even if it’s not in one deity.
84. I believe that politics is a waste of time for all parties.
85. I am a hopeless cynic
86. I have an idealistic streak in my as well.
87. I wanted to be an actor when I was younger
88. My nickname at work was Da Momma
89. I believe in the power of hope
90. My daughters were born 10 weeks early.
91. They are my gifts from the God/Goddess.
92. I little patience for active stupidity in people.
93. I can forgive ignorance, unless it’s chosen ignorance
94. I may be a bit harsh and inflexible.
95. I am allergic to exercise.
96. Not really, I’m just a bit lazy about it.
97. I am tired a bit at the moment.
98. Have I mentioned I’m a fan of pro wrestling?
99. It’s my dream to be appreciated
100. I am shocked I came up with 100 things about me.

Siblings up on high…

August 1, 2009

I was visiting Mary over at OwlHaven and I saw her latest post. It reminded me of how younger siblings can put older siblings up on a pedestal. I think it only happens after you have multi generational children. My son was 13 when the twins were born and I have to admit, with my working, I most likely depended on him way to much with raising them. The boy was a natural at diaper duty though.

The girls still think he walks on water. Thankfully, being in the Corp, he has finally realized this and actually appreciates the position he holds in their lives.

Aiyana, Damian and Caitlyn

It only took 5 and a half years and a year in the USMC.

Slowly but surely

July 31, 2009

So with all the chaos in my life this week, my blog hopping is going much slower then I wanted. For all who are participating in the BH sponsored by Robin over at Pensieve, I got cocky and say that I would visit everyone….

I meant it.

Eventually.

Seriously.

No, I’m really going to visit everyone. At least once. In deference to my growing senility, I may visit more then once as I go through the list.

SERIOUSLY!

Sheesh!

Simplify

July 30, 2009

So I walked into work today and three hours later I was sitting in HR with my HR director and direct supervisor being told that as much as I was liked by my peers and other supervisors, they coudln’t just create an alternate position for me.

After almost five years with the company..

Wow.

I called the hubby first..and apologized before I even said hello in tears.  After an hour I thought I was doing well until I called my most bestest wonderfulest friend in the world, Jael…who is a Mary Kay consultant. For those uninitiated into the world of Mary Kay, this week in Dallas is their annual “seminar.” This is where all of the consultants get together, meet the National Directors and such and basically have a very empowering experience. So an hour after I left work I sent her a text message basically saying that I had lost my job. She called me immediately and after about 5 minutes of mindless phone tag because still had my phone on “work mode/vibrate,” she told me that she loved me and that she was sorry….and then proceeded to tell me that she had walked out of a National Directors speech to call me, because I was that important to her.

That’s the sign of a true friend, someone who can make you break down and cry just by saying “You mean that much to me.”

I then sent Keith another text about an hour after that and said that I had been granted a $19 voucher from the local food co-op. I mentioned that it was the high point of my day. He reminded me that the high point of my day was waking up this morning knowing that he and my children were alive and well.

“Simplify” he wrote.

And that’s what it pretty much boils down to…simplify.

Rocking and Rolling at the (Blog)Hop!

July 25, 2009

It’s all Mary’s fault (I blame everything fun on Mary). She posted about the Blog Hop. I plan on visiting every blog tonight…as there is over 200 so far, I guess sleep tonight is out of the question…if you haven’t joined the part yet, what are you waiting for???? Get going…

Edited to include about me stuff:  I’m a mom of six (3 that I spawned, 3 that I claim), a grandaughter to two with the third on the way.  and the middle grandbaby is living with me…I work full time as a work force analyst at a call center…I have been with my partner Keith for the 8 and a half years and he is my soulmate.  I write to stay sane and to block out the noise of two sets of twins, a toddler and a baby at dinnertime.  I write on helium, research genealogy like a madwoman, and have a wickedly warped sense of humor.   I am a self taught techno nerdlet (not nearly as nerdy as some, but a bit more then your average Mama Bear.

Unconditional Love

July 19, 2009

I wrote my first article at Helium about Unconditional Love. Take a look and let me know what you think.

Growing up…

July 17, 2009

I am all kinds of confuzzled today….My 19 year old son (who is in the Marines, Semper Fi, thankyouverymuch) had surgery on his wrist last night and I was rather vexed that I couldn’t be there for him.  He was however kind enough to send me a picture message Post-op of himself with the subject of “Well, I’m still alive.”

Sometimes I think I need to thawamp that boys mother for raising such a smart ***.  Then reality kicks in and I realize that I don’t have it in me to thawamp myself.

My precious girls are losing their baby teeth left and right.  Last night my Buggaboo, the youngest of the two girls by one minutes lost her second top front tooth.  I’m not sure who was more upset, her for having to work the tooth out, or me which I looked at her toothless smile and realized that another one of my babies is growning up.  Then she insisted that I take a picture on my phone of her smile to send to the previously mentioned big brother.

I was fine until I woke up at 5 AM this morning and realized that I had gone to bed without exchanging the tooth for the dollar (to show that the Tooth Fairy had shown up and taken the tooth.  Panicked, I snuck in the girls bedroom and carefully made the exchange, all the while trying to shush our toy poodle who seems to think that the bedroom is actually her domain and she just lets the girls sleep there.

Another Childhood Myth disaster averted. 

I was spent.  At 5 AM. 

Oy vey.

 caitlyntwofrnteeth

Movie Review–Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

July 14, 2009

Perhaps some spoiler space is in order, although if you have read the series, it is rather redundent…Don’t read further if you are anti-spoiler

 

 

okay, so the 23 y/o and I went to a pre-screening of the New Harry Potter Movie last night.  As with the last two movies, there were things that were omitted for the sake of time constraints that should have been included IMO.   Overall I’d have to say that this was well done for the 5 venture to Hogwarts.  During the first part of the movie the majority of the audience was chuckling consistently at the inside jokes that only a follower of the previous movies can truly appreicate.

I have to say that the character of Ron has exceeded my expectations as the comic relief portion of the Hogwarts trio.  Rupert Grint has some amazing timing and that’s just about as much as I can say…well let’s just say that you have to imagine the Character of Ron swooning like a love sick puppy, and then being the relunctant toy of one Lavander Brown.  The Relationship between Herminone and Ron, Harry and Ginny moved along nicely without being too smaltzy.

IMO the one thing that this movie missed the mark with, was the explaination of who the Half Blood Prince was and why he was called the Half Blood Prince.  There was no explaination, just a “I am the half blood prince” by said character.

Overall, not a bad flick.  I think it’s perfect for Tweens and teen and adults.   The last half hour was intense enough with “scary” drama that I wouldn’t take anyone younger to see it in the theatre.  But that’s just me…when it comes out on DVD, the girls will most likely watch it with me so I can answer any questions.

Random Links

July 12, 2009

I have had a rough day. I spent it running errands in 107 degree heat (but hey it’s a dry heat, which explains why instead of just merely sweating, it feels like my skin is going to peel off in sheets but I digress. Then I come home and all the kids are some kind of discombobulated. The Twins were just being mean and crabby and didn’t want to listen…then the baby was cranky but she went to nap for 3 hours so that worked out…but then the grandbaby was just being high maintenance. I wanted to post but it’s 9:30 PM and the kids are finally asleep….I wanted to post something but for the life of me my brain hurts and I can’t think of anything even remotely intelligent to share with the world….

So I Stumbled around and that I’d share them with y’all.

The Bards Tales-Name Generation.–> This appeals to me only because I love to write but hate coming up with names for characters.

—> OMG…I have to say this one is slightly off color, so if you are easily disgusted by slight toilet humor, you probably should pass on this one. But if you are warped like me, you will love it.

and this I found and it’s made me go..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

DefineNecessityremix Okay that’s about all I can handle now…my brain still hurts and now I’m nodding off.

My Obsession.

July 10, 2009

I can’t help it.  I see dead people everywhere.  I have books of my father’s family that go back to 1700, in one, line and 1600 in another, I have my mother’s family back to 1600 in France.  I’ve even decided to step up and trace my husbands family line back to Norway and to prove that he has an ancester directly related to Bonnie Parker.  I see Dead People.  I see them trying to show me who they are and how they lived.  I see old black and white scanned pictures of men and women that have contributed to my gene pool but have never met me.  I have been known to wake up at two AM, thinking of a new search criteria to find another dead ancestor.

I don’t know when I developed this obsession, but I am relieved to know I am not the only person out there who sees dead people.  I know why I see them.  I want my children and grand children to have an idea where they come from, who they might have been…

Imagine my shock 7 years ago when I realized that the precious baby that I had  planned for was actually a PAIR of beautiful mirror image girls….There were no instances of twins in my family or my husbands….or so I thought….

My great-great aunts were twins.  Hmmmm.  Like I said, I see dead people everywhere.  I see them in the eyes of my girls, or in a mannerism.  My grandaughter is staying with us temporarily, and apparently she has developed my raising of the eyebrow.   That mannerism has been passed down for at least 4 generations in my life time, and rumored to have been present in two more generations. 

Sometimes to see where we need to go, we need to have a clear understanding of where we have been.  I hope that my girls grow up sharing my obsession with personal family history.

Bountiful Fruit

July 7, 2009

Bountiful Fruit is an online gift fruit store created by Stemilt Growers, Inc., a premium grower of tree fruit for nearly 100 years. Located in Wenatchee, Washington, Stemilt specializes in growing apples, pears, cherries, peaches and nectarines.

Officially launched in 2005, Bountiful Fruit is here to provide consumers with an easy way to purchase premium gift fruit direct from the orchard.

Bountiful Fruit is an extension of Stemilt’s humble roots. Our gifts are sincere, coming straight from our orchards to your home. Selling only what we grow means everything we offer has been meticulously cared for from the time we plant our fruit trees to actually placing the fruit in your gift box.

Please enter the following coupon code (caliian876) and receive a 10% discount off of your order!

 

Death and Dignity.

July 7, 2009

The following Headlines are screaming at me from CNN.com

  • Farewell to the King of Pop
  • Fans across country mourn Jackson
  • LA wants help paying for Jackson Memorial
  • Fans assemble for Jackson Memorial
  • Web braces for Michael Jackson onslaught.

I am a child of the 80’s. I be-bopped around my house listening to Michael Jackson’s “going to be starting something.” Thriller was the second cassette tape I ever owned. I memorized every dance step in the “Beat it” video. I LOVED his music. I was in Junior High, it was expected. As an adult, I questioned his motives and whether the complaints or allegations with his “inappropriate” behavior with minors. As a parent, I was wary.

I received an email from CNN’s breaking news stating that “Michael Jackson’s golden coffin is placed in front of the stage as his memorial service gets under way in Los Angeles.” I am appalled. Let the man go. He was not a saint. He WAS a gifted musician who changed the course of the pop music genre. He WAS a good spokeperson for the charities and causes that he believed in.  He WAS able to use his “stroke” to bring awareness to issues.  But he WAS also a man, one that dangled his third child from the balcony as a joke. He WAS a man with his demons. He WAS NOT a God. He WAS NOT royalty. He WAS NOT perfect.

I truly believe that Liz Taylor has it right. She is bypassing the public spectacle and choosing instead to pay her respects in private. That is unlike the Jackson family themselves.  That’s how it should be. Paris Jackson should not be expected at her age to publicly speak on her father’s death at this time.   Show the man (and his children) some dignity, and let him go get the peace in death that he never received (and yet so obviously was desperate for) in life.