Posts Tagged ‘Challenges’

Day Two–Internal Critics.

August 8, 2009

1. Answer this: If you were certain your life would end in 30 days, what would be your biggest regret? Why?
2. Analyze this: What area of your life are you suffering from Someday Syndrome? (SS=one day, when, if only)
3. Realize this: Today IS your Someday!
4. Choose this: What metaphor would describe your life if you were fully awake and engaged?
5. Find this: Find a symbol to represent your metaphor and post it somewhere to remind you.

Biggest Regret:

My biggest regret would be that I always seem to be second guessing myself.  How many times have I failed to seize an oppurtunity because I let my dual brained nature rationalize the possibilities? How many negative or painful consequences could I have avoided?  How many lost moments with my older children who are now adults.

someday Syndrome:

MY time always is impacted by the SS.  I will have the family history documented as far back as possible.  Someday.  I will write enough to support my family, or at least enough that I don’t have to work outside the home. Someday.  I will take time for myself.  Someday.  I will have a hugely popular and well read  blog.  Heh, yeah, Someday.

My Metaphor:

There is a scene in Shawshank Redemption where Andy Dufresne escapes from prison by crawling through 500 yards of sewage and comes out the other side, standing in the middle of a drainage ditch, and raises his hands, and looks to the sky with his eyes closed, with the rain washing the filth from his skin and clothes.  That is the key moment in a movie that has more then it’s share of symbolic moments.  I’d like to think that when I stop second guessing myself and I stay focused on ME, and what I need to do for me, separate from my family and my home…then it’ll be like the rain, washing the fear that often reeks and poisons the soul, from my skin.

Hmmm..that almost sounded profound.  Or perhaps that is my internal critic second guessing what I just wrote.  Tough, internal critic.  I’m posting this.  If it moves someone else, great….if not, oh well…I’m not going to second guess this one.

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Day One of the Challenge

August 6, 2009

Day one of the challenge…here is the task as set forth by Tesra

Day One:

  • Make a list of 5 things you would change if you knew you only had 30 days to live.
  • Choose one of the above to start today.
  • Describe how you would like your life to be different at the end of these 30 days. What has prepared you to be where you are right now?

Tell at least one other person that you’re taking on this challenge. Ask them to check in with you 30 days from now.

Hmmmm.

Okay here goes.

Make a list.

1. Don’t stress the small stuff.
2. Be sure that all of my children know what they mean to me if they don’t already.
3. Finish as much of the Family tree as possible and give it to my children.
4. Write.  Doesn’t matter if it’s blogging, on Helium, on scratch paper.  Just Write.
5. Make sure that Keith is taken care of.  Doesn’t matter if I have to write him ten years worth of daily affirmations. Anything to remind him that I am and always will be with him.

Okay….that was actually more difficult that I thought.

Moving on..Now I have to pick one to work with…

Surprisingly I’m going with Number 4. I’m going to write.

Now it’s not because I don’t want to leave something of myself for my children or Keith.  I do.  And short of being there to hold their hand and hug them and kiss them, the best thing I can think to do long term is to write.  Perhaps doing that, I can talk to them after I am no longer here

Does that make sense?

When the thirty days are done, I’d like to know that I have found my voice.  So often when I write, I am too critical of my voice.  I imagine so many posts or articles or letters in my mind at any given time, I imagine my words having meaning for somebody ANYBODY, besides just myself.  But when it comes time to actually type, I type a sentence…then read it, then delete a word, add two more.  Delete another three words.  Contemplate what it is I really want to say.

I want my family to hear my voice long after I am gone.  I want them to feel that I am not gone.  Perhaps it’s my own vanity…a way to keep myself in their hearts and minds.

What do you think?

30 days to live challenge

August 6, 2009

I have been invited by Tasra Dawson over at Real Women Scrap to participate in a month long challenge.

What would you do if you only had one month to live.

I’m going to join in…Will you?

I am a five days late…so I think I’m going to start with day one today, then I’ll just run 5 days behind
Tasra.