Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Day One of the Challenge

August 6, 2009

Day one of the challenge…here is the task as set forth by Tesra

Day One:

  • Make a list of 5 things you would change if you knew you only had 30 days to live.
  • Choose one of the above to start today.
  • Describe how you would like your life to be different at the end of these 30 days. What has prepared you to be where you are right now?

Tell at least one other person that you’re taking on this challenge. Ask them to check in with you 30 days from now.

Hmmmm.

Okay here goes.

Make a list.

1. Don’t stress the small stuff.
2. Be sure that all of my children know what they mean to me if they don’t already.
3. Finish as much of the Family tree as possible and give it to my children.
4. Write.  Doesn’t matter if it’s blogging, on Helium, on scratch paper.  Just Write.
5. Make sure that Keith is taken care of.  Doesn’t matter if I have to write him ten years worth of daily affirmations. Anything to remind him that I am and always will be with him.

Okay….that was actually more difficult that I thought.

Moving on..Now I have to pick one to work with…

Surprisingly I’m going with Number 4. I’m going to write.

Now it’s not because I don’t want to leave something of myself for my children or Keith.  I do.  And short of being there to hold their hand and hug them and kiss them, the best thing I can think to do long term is to write.  Perhaps doing that, I can talk to them after I am no longer here

Does that make sense?

When the thirty days are done, I’d like to know that I have found my voice.  So often when I write, I am too critical of my voice.  I imagine so many posts or articles or letters in my mind at any given time, I imagine my words having meaning for somebody ANYBODY, besides just myself.  But when it comes time to actually type, I type a sentence…then read it, then delete a word, add two more.  Delete another three words.  Contemplate what it is I really want to say.

I want my family to hear my voice long after I am gone.  I want them to feel that I am not gone.  Perhaps it’s my own vanity…a way to keep myself in their hearts and minds.

What do you think?

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100 things about me

August 4, 2009

In honor of Erin’s 100th post at Closing Time, here is a list of 100 things about me, that you always wanted to know but never asked, or you thought you knew but wasn’t sure of.

Or not. =)

1. I am a Natural redhead
2. I am 38
3. I have the mother of 6
4. I only spawned 3 of those 6. The others I claim.
5. I am a grandmother of 2, with #3 due at any time.
6. Middle grandbaby currently lives with me
7. I have been with the same man for 9 years.
8. We met when I got a flat tire.
9. I had already removed the tire from the car
10. We met on September 3rd 2000.
11. We have never been apart since that day.
12. I am proud of all of my children.
13. I have a son in the Marines.
14. I am so proud of him.
15. I am currently unemployed.
16. I need to go back to school
17. I love pizza
18. I love dark chocolate.
19. I really need to lose some weight
20. I am watching MONK while typing this up.
21. I am a big Robin Williams fan.
22. I am a big Dennis Leary fan.
23. I loved George Carlin’s routines
24. I love to write.
25. I love purple.
26. But not Barney the dinosaur.
27. I love reading Vince Flynn books
28. I read Jeffery Deaver
29. I can’t believe that I am still going after almost 30 facts.
30. I have a bad temper
31. Did I mention that I love Pro Wrestling?
32. Yes I know it’s fake.
33. My favorite movie is the Shawshank Redemption
34. My second favorite movie the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
35. I am still watching MONK.
36. I have twin girls.
37. I love researching my family history.
38. I am so vain about my hair. It’s tailbone length.
39. I want to learn how to can foods.
40. I want to learn to garden
41. I love steak
42. And cheese
43. I can’t stand emptying out the dishwasher or putting dishes away.
44. I can’t stand to fold laundry but I’m the only that really does it.
45. That’s why I’m training the twins to help.
46. I have periodic food fetishes. Right now it’s hot sauce
47. I like to do surveys online.
48. I live on my laptop sometimes.
49. I wish I was a more proficient blogger.
50. I’m a perfectionist, which is why I don’t blog as much as I should. I hate rough drafts.
51. My favorite (non wrestling) TV show is Heroes
52. I wish wordpress.com supported javascript.
53. I learned to type so well by visiting chatrooms and teaching web design
54. I can type 70 wph, when I’m not being tested, otherwise I test at 55 wph.
55. My accuracy is around 98%
56. I want to visit Ireland
57. I love green landscapes.
58. I often wonder why I still live in the desert
59. I still haven’t figured out what I want to be when I grow up
60. My favorite song right now is Boondocks by little big town
61. I’m a big Toby Keith fan.
62. I also like Guns and Roses
63. It’s safe to say that musically, I’m a child of the 80’s
64. I have been the same height since I was in 7th grade. (five foot 4 inches)
65. I like to drink coca-cola
66. I like caramel mocha frappachinos from Starbucks.
67. I can’t drink black coffee.
68. I have a craving for nachos at the moment.
69. I am a daily facebooker.
70. I’m also a writer at Helium.com
71. My best friend is a Mary Kay consultant.
72. I don’t drink beer.
73. I only occasionally drink alcohol regardless.
74. I am a recovering redneck
75. I am a loyal friend.
76. I can’t stand hypocrites.
77. I tell all my kids that I will do anything but lie to or for them.
78. Beyond that I’m there for them
79. I tend to procrastinate
80. I lost faith in my last job and it cost me my job.
81. I believe in the capacity of human nature to both heal and hurt at the same time.
82. I am a spiritual if not religious person.
83. I believe in the power of faith, even if it’s not in one deity.
84. I believe that politics is a waste of time for all parties.
85. I am a hopeless cynic
86. I have an idealistic streak in my as well.
87. I wanted to be an actor when I was younger
88. My nickname at work was Da Momma
89. I believe in the power of hope
90. My daughters were born 10 weeks early.
91. They are my gifts from the God/Goddess.
92. I little patience for active stupidity in people.
93. I can forgive ignorance, unless it’s chosen ignorance
94. I may be a bit harsh and inflexible.
95. I am allergic to exercise.
96. Not really, I’m just a bit lazy about it.
97. I am tired a bit at the moment.
98. Have I mentioned I’m a fan of pro wrestling?
99. It’s my dream to be appreciated
100. I am shocked I came up with 100 things about me.

Slowly but surely

July 31, 2009

So with all the chaos in my life this week, my blog hopping is going much slower then I wanted. For all who are participating in the BH sponsored by Robin over at Pensieve, I got cocky and say that I would visit everyone….

I meant it.

Eventually.

Seriously.

No, I’m really going to visit everyone. At least once. In deference to my growing senility, I may visit more then once as I go through the list.

SERIOUSLY!

Sheesh!

Simplify

July 30, 2009

So I walked into work today and three hours later I was sitting in HR with my HR director and direct supervisor being told that as much as I was liked by my peers and other supervisors, they coudln’t just create an alternate position for me.

After almost five years with the company..

Wow.

I called the hubby first..and apologized before I even said hello in tears.  After an hour I thought I was doing well until I called my most bestest wonderfulest friend in the world, Jael…who is a Mary Kay consultant. For those uninitiated into the world of Mary Kay, this week in Dallas is their annual “seminar.” This is where all of the consultants get together, meet the National Directors and such and basically have a very empowering experience. So an hour after I left work I sent her a text message basically saying that I had lost my job. She called me immediately and after about 5 minutes of mindless phone tag because still had my phone on “work mode/vibrate,” she told me that she loved me and that she was sorry….and then proceeded to tell me that she had walked out of a National Directors speech to call me, because I was that important to her.

That’s the sign of a true friend, someone who can make you break down and cry just by saying “You mean that much to me.”

I then sent Keith another text about an hour after that and said that I had been granted a $19 voucher from the local food co-op. I mentioned that it was the high point of my day. He reminded me that the high point of my day was waking up this morning knowing that he and my children were alive and well.

“Simplify” he wrote.

And that’s what it pretty much boils down to…simplify.

Growing up…

July 17, 2009

I am all kinds of confuzzled today….My 19 year old son (who is in the Marines, Semper Fi, thankyouverymuch) had surgery on his wrist last night and I was rather vexed that I couldn’t be there for him.  He was however kind enough to send me a picture message Post-op of himself with the subject of “Well, I’m still alive.”

Sometimes I think I need to thawamp that boys mother for raising such a smart ***.  Then reality kicks in and I realize that I don’t have it in me to thawamp myself.

My precious girls are losing their baby teeth left and right.  Last night my Buggaboo, the youngest of the two girls by one minutes lost her second top front tooth.  I’m not sure who was more upset, her for having to work the tooth out, or me which I looked at her toothless smile and realized that another one of my babies is growning up.  Then she insisted that I take a picture on my phone of her smile to send to the previously mentioned big brother.

I was fine until I woke up at 5 AM this morning and realized that I had gone to bed without exchanging the tooth for the dollar (to show that the Tooth Fairy had shown up and taken the tooth.  Panicked, I snuck in the girls bedroom and carefully made the exchange, all the while trying to shush our toy poodle who seems to think that the bedroom is actually her domain and she just lets the girls sleep there.

Another Childhood Myth disaster averted. 

I was spent.  At 5 AM. 

Oy vey.

 caitlyntwofrnteeth

Random Links

July 12, 2009

I have had a rough day. I spent it running errands in 107 degree heat (but hey it’s a dry heat, which explains why instead of just merely sweating, it feels like my skin is going to peel off in sheets but I digress. Then I come home and all the kids are some kind of discombobulated. The Twins were just being mean and crabby and didn’t want to listen…then the baby was cranky but she went to nap for 3 hours so that worked out…but then the grandbaby was just being high maintenance. I wanted to post but it’s 9:30 PM and the kids are finally asleep….I wanted to post something but for the life of me my brain hurts and I can’t think of anything even remotely intelligent to share with the world….

So I Stumbled around and that I’d share them with y’all.

The Bards Tales-Name Generation.–> This appeals to me only because I love to write but hate coming up with names for characters.

—> OMG…I have to say this one is slightly off color, so if you are easily disgusted by slight toilet humor, you probably should pass on this one. But if you are warped like me, you will love it.

and this I found and it’s made me go..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

DefineNecessityremix Okay that’s about all I can handle now…my brain still hurts and now I’m nodding off.

Emailing on Autopilot, huh?

April 2, 2009

I use Gmail as my primary email address and for the most part I am very happy about it.  I logged into today and noticed a new link on the top of the page.  It’s called Gmail Autopilot.  It will respond to your email for you.

Excuse me?  I have enough difficult monitoring my own tone in email…I doubt an automated system will do better.  I’m too damn snarky for that….

What happens if a sender and recipient both have Autopilot on?
Two Gmail accounts can happily converse with each other for up to three messages each. Beyond that, our experiments have shown a significant decline in the quality ranking of Autopilot’s responses and further messages may commit you to dinner parties or baby namings in which you have no interest.

Unbelievable.

Sunday Cruising….

March 22, 2009

So Keith and I usually take Sunday morning and go out to the little flea market (called a swapmeet, in Tucson) and putz around…he gets to look for WWII collectibles and I get to expand my library of mindless reading…topped off with a killer Chile Rellano burro from one of the little vendors out named Sergio. Now Sergio and I have a this ongoing thing where he gets our food and we eat and then I get up to go and forget to pay….he’s pretty laid back about it…Keith gets more antsy about it…and he doesn’t really have any set price…I mean he has them listed on the wall but to be honest..we get the same thing every week and we don’t pay the same each week…it kinda depends on his mood…and how good his day has gone so far. Back to the story…

I ordered today same as always…Carne Asada burro (just meat, and salt please) for Keith, a Chile Rellano burro for me and two orders of Pan bread. Today Sergio brought me the burros and I waited. I turned around and asked him “Sergio? did you forget the Pan bread?” Naturally he was blushing that he did forget…I told him not to worry that he was just paying me back for the times that I have forgotten to pay him…it was “you had to be there” humor.

So I came home and checked my blogs stats as I do every time I log in….and I noticed that my traffic from yesterday’s post all came from a new referrer…Condron.us…interesting….it’s like flipping through the guide on a the TV in in 5 minutes or less…when you go to the site, it starts this surfing thing where you visit the blog for a few second just to see if you might be interested….then you can bookmark for later viewing. The site will then move onto the next site…We shall see if it’s a site that’s good to me…lol…

I’m feeling old today…maybe I will go take a nap. And actually take one instead of just talking about it.

Thursday Musings

March 5, 2009

So I visited Thursday Thunks for an idea on something to write as I avidly avoid actually working today….I didn’t like any of the potential topics for this week but I liked one from last week so here we go…

You open your front door and there is a box with a puppy in it… what do you do?

Answer: RUN!!!! Shut the door before the children see anything even resembling cute, fluff/furry bits of puppyness. Now lest y’all think I don’t love puppies, I can appreciate them. I prefer kittens but I’m not against puppies.

Except that I have too damn many to begin with…..I have a chow/German Shepard mix, a black lab, a neurotic Weenie dog, a boxer, and a moody wolf.

And with the exception of the weenie dog, they have all been found puppies. Don’t even get me started on the cats we have inherited. I am to the point now where I have said “no more critters.”

I suspect this resolve will last only until the next time Keith or one of the kids comes home with a little furball hissing/spitting/panting/drooling wrapped up in old towel or jacket and I’m gazed up on with the standard “boo-boo lip” expression and I hear the words “But Mommie/But Babe….”

Yes, it is possible

March 5, 2009

So even when I slack on updating my blog myself, I never miss visiting Mary over at Owlhaven. The woman is a Goddess on earth, full of humor and wisdom, and she’s probably the biggest reason why I started blogging again. She has managed again to astound me with her time management skills (Yes Mary, it takes skill to keep all of your hair attached to your scalp and live on 2-4 hours of sleep….) and has published a book entitled A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family. If you have children (at all people, you don’t need to have a small country sized family to enjoy the wisdom in this book) at all or are thinking of having children, Run, don’t walk, over to Amazon and BUY THE BOOK!!!!!!

I think my favorite gem from the book is on page 84. “Humor is one of a parents most powerful allies.” My husband has no issues teaching from a point of silliness, even resorting to fart humor to get his point across. Myself, it takes a little work to utilize my dry sense of humor into the appropriate level of silliness to get point across.  But it will work.   Just ask Mary.

Big Brother is watching….

February 12, 2009

So I know that I have been seriously slacking on my posting and I decided to make use of the “Daily Meme” link (it’s the big button over there to the left, yeah that’s the one) on my page and do my very first Meme post. I ended up at Thursday Thunks and started reading some of the suggestions. I first have to say I’m not sure I understand the concept of a Meme. I have loads of throwaway thoughts that could conceivably turn into a post, I just flake out on the follow through. But I digress…on to the real reason for THIS post. One of the Memes for today stem from the comment that “a school PTA group wants to try to ban white bread, cakes, brownies or any other “treat” from their lunch menus… plus make kids’ lunchboxes brought from home not include any “junk food”. Thoughts on that one?”

My thoughts? What a Load of crapola! Don’t get me wrong. Obesity is a real issue and it starts young. I have had food issues since I was five but what I chose to do with them now is on me. I can’t keep blaming my issues on my parents. Now that I have children, raising them with the appropriate habits and values is MY job. It’s not the schools job…my children’s teacher’s responsibility is to keep them safe at school, make sure they have the availability to eat lunch and teach them academics. And in conjunction with my own teaching, they should be teaching my 6 year old’s social skills. But that’s it. If my kid is overweight it is not the schools fault. And who does the school think it is telling me and my child that we can’t provide a treat for a school lunch, especially if I pack my daughter a lunch?

What makes this totally tragic is that it isn’t even the school or the school district. It’s other parents. Parents who are not willing to accept their own accountability in the upbringing of their children, who have a compulsive need to blame their Children’s dysfunction on someone other then themselves. The incessant whining of those who don’t want to believe that Little Mary Lou is pulling Susie’s pigtails just because she is a spoiled brat who has no concept of consequences or boundaries because we are a generation of parents that have grown up getting the hell knocked out of us and we actually have followed through with the old “When I have kids I will never spank/ground/timeout my child.” This is not a bad thing in theory but there is no middle ground. As parents there still needs to be some consequences, some boundaries. That’s how children learn right from wrong.

This kind of went off topic from the big Brother title but I’d love to see if I am the only parent of young children out there that thinks we have done a complete 180 with parental responsibility. So What are YOUR thoughts?

Prince Harry

February 12, 2009

OMG. I have just read the most amusing article on People.com. Prince Harry, the youngest son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, is being instructed by his “army bosses” to “enroll in equality and diversity lessons.”

Am I the only one who finds this funny? Can you imagine his “army bosses” (whomever they might be) approaching the Queen and the Prince of Wales with the idea that this needs to happen? Don’t get me wrong, I think the younger Prince could use some lessons on “how to be one of the little folk.” I am redneck enough to belief that most children of Influence or wealth could use a reminder of how the other half lives but all this stems from a comment that was made towards a comic who didn’t find the comment offensive. He also apparently called a fellow soldier “Paki.”

My real issue I suppose is the fact that the younger heir to the throne knows all of this. He has been raised to understand the pitfalls of his position in life. He has watched his parents suffer through them…he has lost a mother to them. The boy needs no training or classes. He needs a swift kick in the “arse” and a reminder that it is always important to play nice with the other kids, especially in public.

But that’s just one recovering Redneck’s opinion.

Redneck Food Bliss

January 28, 2009

So I have made no bones about the fact that I am a recovering redneck.  But I often find myself channeling Al Pacnio in Godfather 3.  “Everytime I get out they pull me back in..”

I think that I have adopted most of Keiths Midweastern eating habits and blended them with my So-cal/TexMex habits, bypassing my former Redneck tendencies…Except for Gravy.

No don’t get me wrong, I can wield a mean gravy packet…but I make some pretty fine pan gravy too…in fact it is expected that when Momma makes gravy, it’s from scratch…

Albertson’s had Pork Chops on sale for .88 a lb. Naturally I HAD to buy a pack and basically simmer fry it in the electric skillet with a bit of canola, salt and pepper…Normally this means mashed potatos as a side…but this time I bought 3 lbs of shredded potatoes and made milk gravy…4 teaspoons of canola…a cup of flour…two cans of evaperated milk and a cup and a half of water…season salt, garlic powder, onion powder and PEPPER!!!

OMG…FOOD BLISS BABY!!!!!!!!  The consensus is that I may have outdone myself with the gravy…Even the sick Buggie pronounced it Yum even though she could 0nly eat a few bites….

sometimes, Momma is just that damn good.

Heh

Mishmash of pretty much everything.

January 10, 2009

So I already have lamenated on my knack for Procrastination. It occured to me that I really need to keep a notebook handy to jot down my ideas for writing…I am a firm believer that if you have a blog that you should only really blog about one, maybe two things on any given day…don’t ask me where I came up with that number because I really couldn’t tell you, but there it is. I have way to many thoughts that I want to share even if I’m the only one that actually reads my blog…

On to the point of this particular blog…

Yesterday Suz and I went to the neighborhood Fry’s grocery store to do some shopping…as we were coming out of the store there were like 6 of Tucson’s finest vehicle outside with lights a-flashing, and they have this young man with his hands on the roof of the primary car. One of the officers is handcuffing the young man and the other one is pulling the shoplifted booty out of bags onto the trunk of the car. The Loot? 12 cans of premade baby formula. The guy looked like a good kid…young but still..

Suz had just gotten used her WIC voucher for formula for Kaycee and it was all we could do to not give the poor guy a can that we had in our cart.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty cynical. and I have little, if any patience for active stupidity…but this guy obviously didn’t have the funds to provide for his baby….and now not only does he not have the formula to provide his child, but the money that he didn’t have for formula, he now has to spend on bail money. I don’t know about you, but myself? I have raised three of my 6 claimed children in an evironment where I have had to live paycheck to paycheck. I felt for this boy.

But at the same time, arresting him isn’t the answer nor is it okay to excuse the fact that he tried to steal…

But the question is what is the lesser of the two evils?

I can be cynical and say that the crime is never justified. But I am a mother first and a cynic second (despite all accusations to the contrary), and I say that parenthood can be a just reason…at least it would be if it were my child.

I don’t have the magic answers. But I felt for this kid. and there is the chance that I misread the situation…

except…

As we were pulling out of our parking space, I saw a young woman…maybe 18 or so…standing by her car…with the driver’s side door open…and a child’s car seat plainly in the back….and she had a look of panic on her face…

I don’t know.

Okay, non sequiter link of the day……….The Darwin Awards…This is like those old comfy t-shirts that you never get rid of that are just to comfy to toss….It’s amazing to laugh at the abject stupidity of others.

but then I’m twisted like that.

The Joys of Pet Ownership

January 8, 2009

So I think I’m going to try to include at least one Non-reference link each time I post…ie, this is something completely random and not necessarily related to the post itself.

Today’s unrelated link: The Endless, Senseless Collaborative Book. You have got to check this one out…you can register as a user or you can just post as a guest…it’s completely mindless ramblings….My post is also my sig from my email “Light travels faster then sound which is why some folks appear bright until you hear them speak.”

So on to my craptacular day….okay it wasn’t horribly bad….just vexing….I had to take the oldest to court for something that she shouldn’t have been charged with…and No, I’m not being a blind parent…seriously, the officer was a T-wit. Here’s the backstory…we live on 5.4 acres in the boonies of Tucson…We have three dogs outside and three inside…..My oldest (almost 22) is a great kid. She rarely leaves the house and does anything, and is prone to panic attacks when strange people are around….She has been my free daycare for the past 6 years for which I’m overwhelmingly greatful and all she asks is for us to let her live here and occaisionally buy her a subscription to her online game or a laptop for Christmas in Leiu of actually paying her for her daycare services. It’s a slightly dysfunctional but workable arrangement…In any case, I get a call from her about a week and a half ago and she’s freaking out because there is one of Pima County Animal Control’s finest is outside complaining about the outside dogs. Keep in mind that my daughter doesn’t deal with people well…She reacted just like your average sheltered teenager did, she brought the dogs in and signed the citation. She also called me and I asked to speak with the officer…What a waste of time that was…

“Hi, my name is Staci Golladay, what can I do for you?”

“You can keep your dogs leashed up that’s what you can do for me.” (And yes the voice was that damn Snotty.)

Then she proceeded to tell me that she would be citing my daughter even though I was more then willing to come home and accept responsibility for the dogs as they were MINE, not hers.

Yeah that didn’t work…so anyway, today was the court date and basically she plead guilty to two counts of no Licenses…(we got reduced fines because we had gotten the licenses last week and the two charges of “Dog at Large” dismissed…

I guess the learning point for me, was that in PIMA County, any dog that is not in an enclosed area is considered “Dog at large.” Never mind the fact that the dogs were in our yard, not running the streets. And since it’s a felony to chain your dogs in this county the only option is to fence in all 5.4 acres.

Fun.

Not.

In any case, I guess I can’t be too bitter about it. My daughter handled herself quite well in a situation that she had no control over and shouldn’t have been held accountable for….but I digress. I’m still going to have to file a greivence with the Animal Control officer just because her behavior was completely unprofessional. But at least that won’t have any impact on my kid.

What a cluster ****.

On a questionable up note, I’m getting ready to participate in the planning stages of my 20 year high school reunion. I’m not old enough for this….rassa-frassa.