Posts Tagged ‘Musings’

Day One of the Challenge

August 6, 2009

Day one of the challenge…here is the task as set forth by Tesra

Day One:

  • Make a list of 5 things you would change if you knew you only had 30 days to live.
  • Choose one of the above to start today.
  • Describe how you would like your life to be different at the end of these 30 days. What has prepared you to be where you are right now?

Tell at least one other person that you’re taking on this challenge. Ask them to check in with you 30 days from now.

Hmmmm.

Okay here goes.

Make a list.

1. Don’t stress the small stuff.
2. Be sure that all of my children know what they mean to me if they don’t already.
3. Finish as much of the Family tree as possible and give it to my children.
4. Write.  Doesn’t matter if it’s blogging, on Helium, on scratch paper.  Just Write.
5. Make sure that Keith is taken care of.  Doesn’t matter if I have to write him ten years worth of daily affirmations. Anything to remind him that I am and always will be with him.

Okay….that was actually more difficult that I thought.

Moving on..Now I have to pick one to work with…

Surprisingly I’m going with Number 4. I’m going to write.

Now it’s not because I don’t want to leave something of myself for my children or Keith.  I do.  And short of being there to hold their hand and hug them and kiss them, the best thing I can think to do long term is to write.  Perhaps doing that, I can talk to them after I am no longer here

Does that make sense?

When the thirty days are done, I’d like to know that I have found my voice.  So often when I write, I am too critical of my voice.  I imagine so many posts or articles or letters in my mind at any given time, I imagine my words having meaning for somebody ANYBODY, besides just myself.  But when it comes time to actually type, I type a sentence…then read it, then delete a word, add two more.  Delete another three words.  Contemplate what it is I really want to say.

I want my family to hear my voice long after I am gone.  I want them to feel that I am not gone.  Perhaps it’s my own vanity…a way to keep myself in their hearts and minds.

What do you think?

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30 days to live challenge

August 6, 2009

I have been invited by Tasra Dawson over at Real Women Scrap to participate in a month long challenge.

What would you do if you only had one month to live.

I’m going to join in…Will you?

I am a five days late…so I think I’m going to start with day one today, then I’ll just run 5 days behind
Tasra.

Rocking and Rolling at the (Blog)Hop!

July 25, 2009

It’s all Mary’s fault (I blame everything fun on Mary). She posted about the Blog Hop. I plan on visiting every blog tonight…as there is over 200 so far, I guess sleep tonight is out of the question…if you haven’t joined the part yet, what are you waiting for???? Get going…

Edited to include about me stuff:  I’m a mom of six (3 that I spawned, 3 that I claim), a grandaughter to two with the third on the way.  and the middle grandbaby is living with me…I work full time as a work force analyst at a call center…I have been with my partner Keith for the 8 and a half years and he is my soulmate.  I write to stay sane and to block out the noise of two sets of twins, a toddler and a baby at dinnertime.  I write on helium, research genealogy like a madwoman, and have a wickedly warped sense of humor.   I am a self taught techno nerdlet (not nearly as nerdy as some, but a bit more then your average Mama Bear.

Unconditional Love

July 19, 2009

I wrote my first article at Helium about Unconditional Love. Take a look and let me know what you think.

Death and Dignity.

July 7, 2009

The following Headlines are screaming at me from CNN.com

  • Farewell to the King of Pop
  • Fans across country mourn Jackson
  • LA wants help paying for Jackson Memorial
  • Fans assemble for Jackson Memorial
  • Web braces for Michael Jackson onslaught.

I am a child of the 80’s. I be-bopped around my house listening to Michael Jackson’s “going to be starting something.” Thriller was the second cassette tape I ever owned. I memorized every dance step in the “Beat it” video. I LOVED his music. I was in Junior High, it was expected. As an adult, I questioned his motives and whether the complaints or allegations with his “inappropriate” behavior with minors. As a parent, I was wary.

I received an email from CNN’s breaking news stating that “Michael Jackson’s golden coffin is placed in front of the stage as his memorial service gets under way in Los Angeles.” I am appalled. Let the man go. He was not a saint. He WAS a gifted musician who changed the course of the pop music genre. He WAS a good spokeperson for the charities and causes that he believed in.  He WAS able to use his “stroke” to bring awareness to issues.  But he WAS also a man, one that dangled his third child from the balcony as a joke. He WAS a man with his demons. He WAS NOT a God. He WAS NOT royalty. He WAS NOT perfect.

I truly believe that Liz Taylor has it right. She is bypassing the public spectacle and choosing instead to pay her respects in private. That is unlike the Jackson family themselves.  That’s how it should be. Paris Jackson should not be expected at her age to publicly speak on her father’s death at this time.   Show the man (and his children) some dignity, and let him go get the peace in death that he never received (and yet so obviously was desperate for) in life.

Emailing on Autopilot, huh?

April 2, 2009

I use Gmail as my primary email address and for the most part I am very happy about it.  I logged into today and noticed a new link on the top of the page.  It’s called Gmail Autopilot.  It will respond to your email for you.

Excuse me?  I have enough difficult monitoring my own tone in email…I doubt an automated system will do better.  I’m too damn snarky for that….

What happens if a sender and recipient both have Autopilot on?
Two Gmail accounts can happily converse with each other for up to three messages each. Beyond that, our experiments have shown a significant decline in the quality ranking of Autopilot’s responses and further messages may commit you to dinner parties or baby namings in which you have no interest.

Unbelievable.

Thursday Musings

March 5, 2009

So I visited Thursday Thunks for an idea on something to write as I avidly avoid actually working today….I didn’t like any of the potential topics for this week but I liked one from last week so here we go…

You open your front door and there is a box with a puppy in it… what do you do?

Answer: RUN!!!! Shut the door before the children see anything even resembling cute, fluff/furry bits of puppyness. Now lest y’all think I don’t love puppies, I can appreciate them. I prefer kittens but I’m not against puppies.

Except that I have too damn many to begin with…..I have a chow/German Shepard mix, a black lab, a neurotic Weenie dog, a boxer, and a moody wolf.

And with the exception of the weenie dog, they have all been found puppies. Don’t even get me started on the cats we have inherited. I am to the point now where I have said “no more critters.”

I suspect this resolve will last only until the next time Keith or one of the kids comes home with a little furball hissing/spitting/panting/drooling wrapped up in old towel or jacket and I’m gazed up on with the standard “boo-boo lip” expression and I hear the words “But Mommie/But Babe….”

Yes, it is possible

March 5, 2009

So even when I slack on updating my blog myself, I never miss visiting Mary over at Owlhaven. The woman is a Goddess on earth, full of humor and wisdom, and she’s probably the biggest reason why I started blogging again. She has managed again to astound me with her time management skills (Yes Mary, it takes skill to keep all of your hair attached to your scalp and live on 2-4 hours of sleep….) and has published a book entitled A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family. If you have children (at all people, you don’t need to have a small country sized family to enjoy the wisdom in this book) at all or are thinking of having children, Run, don’t walk, over to Amazon and BUY THE BOOK!!!!!!

I think my favorite gem from the book is on page 84. “Humor is one of a parents most powerful allies.” My husband has no issues teaching from a point of silliness, even resorting to fart humor to get his point across. Myself, it takes a little work to utilize my dry sense of humor into the appropriate level of silliness to get point across.  But it will work.   Just ask Mary.

Big Brother is watching….

February 12, 2009

So I know that I have been seriously slacking on my posting and I decided to make use of the “Daily Meme” link (it’s the big button over there to the left, yeah that’s the one) on my page and do my very first Meme post. I ended up at Thursday Thunks and started reading some of the suggestions. I first have to say I’m not sure I understand the concept of a Meme. I have loads of throwaway thoughts that could conceivably turn into a post, I just flake out on the follow through. But I digress…on to the real reason for THIS post. One of the Memes for today stem from the comment that “a school PTA group wants to try to ban white bread, cakes, brownies or any other “treat” from their lunch menus… plus make kids’ lunchboxes brought from home not include any “junk food”. Thoughts on that one?”

My thoughts? What a Load of crapola! Don’t get me wrong. Obesity is a real issue and it starts young. I have had food issues since I was five but what I chose to do with them now is on me. I can’t keep blaming my issues on my parents. Now that I have children, raising them with the appropriate habits and values is MY job. It’s not the schools job…my children’s teacher’s responsibility is to keep them safe at school, make sure they have the availability to eat lunch and teach them academics. And in conjunction with my own teaching, they should be teaching my 6 year old’s social skills. But that’s it. If my kid is overweight it is not the schools fault. And who does the school think it is telling me and my child that we can’t provide a treat for a school lunch, especially if I pack my daughter a lunch?

What makes this totally tragic is that it isn’t even the school or the school district. It’s other parents. Parents who are not willing to accept their own accountability in the upbringing of their children, who have a compulsive need to blame their Children’s dysfunction on someone other then themselves. The incessant whining of those who don’t want to believe that Little Mary Lou is pulling Susie’s pigtails just because she is a spoiled brat who has no concept of consequences or boundaries because we are a generation of parents that have grown up getting the hell knocked out of us and we actually have followed through with the old “When I have kids I will never spank/ground/timeout my child.” This is not a bad thing in theory but there is no middle ground. As parents there still needs to be some consequences, some boundaries. That’s how children learn right from wrong.

This kind of went off topic from the big Brother title but I’d love to see if I am the only parent of young children out there that thinks we have done a complete 180 with parental responsibility. So What are YOUR thoughts?

It’s all in the Tunes, Baby!

January 21, 2009

I blame Big Mama completely for this post. It’s all her fault. It’s my lie and I’ll tell it how I want.

I have about five blogs that I have RSS’d on my google home page, and Big Mama is one of them. Anyway she had basically posted her ipod playlist that she listens to while she works out.

Okay before you get any off the wall ideas. No, I don’t work out. If you knew me and saw me, you’d say “well DUH!” Regardless, I do use my ipod….At work. I’d be lost without it. Especially since they just moved the seven of us into an office about the size of two of your average sized walk in closets, and when the boss is in there, all you hear is the tap-tap-tapping productive keystrokes…..

Thank god the man spends more time in meetings then at his desk…

Anyway, if I didn’t have my ipod, I’d be lost. My musical tastes range from Brooks and Dunn’s “My Maria” to Saliva’s “Click, Click” to Peggy Lee singing “Fever.” Just to satisfy my slight non-conformity, I also have Dennis Leary’s “I’m an A**hole” song in the line up…Hey, politically correct I have NEVER claimed to be. And Dennis amuses me to no end.

Topic Change….

today’s inauguration… The girls were watching Family Guy on TBS and they had one of those news blurbs about the Inauguration and they started talking about it…they said that they had watched it in class at school…and I thought how times had changed. When I was their age (6) Carter had just taken office and I knew enough to know what that meant (that was the president of the country) but that was pretty much it. The girls were talking (keep in mind, it was to each other and I was just overhearing from my spot on the computer) how it “Barrack Obama is the new president of the United States” and ” yeah, and yesterday was Martin King day.” (her sister did correct her and say “Caty, you mean Martin LUTHER King day.” )

I’m one of those woman who wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and I don’t (always) see a woman who is getting ready to attend her 20 year high school reunion, or that has a 19 year old son……The things my girls talk about, like Obama and Martin Luther King, and Veterans day…these are all things I learned later in my school career…and my 6 year olds are discussing them with each other now.

Holy Crap Batman!

I truly hope that Obama can follow through with even a fraction of what he has stated he wants to do and will do. He’s right, it’s going to get worse before it gets better…BUT…wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had a politician that actually succeeded in living up to his campaign promises?

The Mind Boggles at that possibility.

And another week goes by

January 20, 2009

I haven’t had the energy to post for a week. I don’t really have the energy to post tonight but I wanted to do so… We made something for dinner last night with the uncouth name of Fart Beans. Tastes wonderful, but sounds nast.

I’m feeling kind of out of it…My boss told me today that I have been off….Not sure I’m okay with his assesment any more then I am with the fact that he may be right.

Hopefully I’ll have something more meaningful to say tomorrow.

Mishmash of pretty much everything.

January 10, 2009

So I already have lamenated on my knack for Procrastination. It occured to me that I really need to keep a notebook handy to jot down my ideas for writing…I am a firm believer that if you have a blog that you should only really blog about one, maybe two things on any given day…don’t ask me where I came up with that number because I really couldn’t tell you, but there it is. I have way to many thoughts that I want to share even if I’m the only one that actually reads my blog…

On to the point of this particular blog…

Yesterday Suz and I went to the neighborhood Fry’s grocery store to do some shopping…as we were coming out of the store there were like 6 of Tucson’s finest vehicle outside with lights a-flashing, and they have this young man with his hands on the roof of the primary car. One of the officers is handcuffing the young man and the other one is pulling the shoplifted booty out of bags onto the trunk of the car. The Loot? 12 cans of premade baby formula. The guy looked like a good kid…young but still..

Suz had just gotten used her WIC voucher for formula for Kaycee and it was all we could do to not give the poor guy a can that we had in our cart.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty cynical. and I have little, if any patience for active stupidity…but this guy obviously didn’t have the funds to provide for his baby….and now not only does he not have the formula to provide his child, but the money that he didn’t have for formula, he now has to spend on bail money. I don’t know about you, but myself? I have raised three of my 6 claimed children in an evironment where I have had to live paycheck to paycheck. I felt for this boy.

But at the same time, arresting him isn’t the answer nor is it okay to excuse the fact that he tried to steal…

But the question is what is the lesser of the two evils?

I can be cynical and say that the crime is never justified. But I am a mother first and a cynic second (despite all accusations to the contrary), and I say that parenthood can be a just reason…at least it would be if it were my child.

I don’t have the magic answers. But I felt for this kid. and there is the chance that I misread the situation…

except…

As we were pulling out of our parking space, I saw a young woman…maybe 18 or so…standing by her car…with the driver’s side door open…and a child’s car seat plainly in the back….and she had a look of panic on her face…

I don’t know.

Okay, non sequiter link of the day……….The Darwin Awards…This is like those old comfy t-shirts that you never get rid of that are just to comfy to toss….It’s amazing to laugh at the abject stupidity of others.

but then I’m twisted like that.

The Joys of Pet Ownership

January 8, 2009

So I think I’m going to try to include at least one Non-reference link each time I post…ie, this is something completely random and not necessarily related to the post itself.

Today’s unrelated link: The Endless, Senseless Collaborative Book. You have got to check this one out…you can register as a user or you can just post as a guest…it’s completely mindless ramblings….My post is also my sig from my email “Light travels faster then sound which is why some folks appear bright until you hear them speak.”

So on to my craptacular day….okay it wasn’t horribly bad….just vexing….I had to take the oldest to court for something that she shouldn’t have been charged with…and No, I’m not being a blind parent…seriously, the officer was a T-wit. Here’s the backstory…we live on 5.4 acres in the boonies of Tucson…We have three dogs outside and three inside…..My oldest (almost 22) is a great kid. She rarely leaves the house and does anything, and is prone to panic attacks when strange people are around….She has been my free daycare for the past 6 years for which I’m overwhelmingly greatful and all she asks is for us to let her live here and occaisionally buy her a subscription to her online game or a laptop for Christmas in Leiu of actually paying her for her daycare services. It’s a slightly dysfunctional but workable arrangement…In any case, I get a call from her about a week and a half ago and she’s freaking out because there is one of Pima County Animal Control’s finest is outside complaining about the outside dogs. Keep in mind that my daughter doesn’t deal with people well…She reacted just like your average sheltered teenager did, she brought the dogs in and signed the citation. She also called me and I asked to speak with the officer…What a waste of time that was…

“Hi, my name is Staci Golladay, what can I do for you?”

“You can keep your dogs leashed up that’s what you can do for me.” (And yes the voice was that damn Snotty.)

Then she proceeded to tell me that she would be citing my daughter even though I was more then willing to come home and accept responsibility for the dogs as they were MINE, not hers.

Yeah that didn’t work…so anyway, today was the court date and basically she plead guilty to two counts of no Licenses…(we got reduced fines because we had gotten the licenses last week and the two charges of “Dog at Large” dismissed…

I guess the learning point for me, was that in PIMA County, any dog that is not in an enclosed area is considered “Dog at large.” Never mind the fact that the dogs were in our yard, not running the streets. And since it’s a felony to chain your dogs in this county the only option is to fence in all 5.4 acres.

Fun.

Not.

In any case, I guess I can’t be too bitter about it. My daughter handled herself quite well in a situation that she had no control over and shouldn’t have been held accountable for….but I digress. I’m still going to have to file a greivence with the Animal Control officer just because her behavior was completely unprofessional. But at least that won’t have any impact on my kid.

What a cluster ****.

On a questionable up note, I’m getting ready to participate in the planning stages of my 20 year high school reunion. I’m not old enough for this….rassa-frassa.

Crossing Family Borders

January 2, 2009

Sorry for the delay in posting. It’s been a busy week for me, starting on Monday with the birth of Kaycee (For those of you playing the home game, Kaycee is the biological daughter of my life partner/”hubby” of eight years and his best friend. They are raising a child together without BEING together. It’s complex and interesting and almost Jerry Springer-ish but it is what it is, we will make it work.) ANYWAY, Kaycee is lucky enough to have two mommys….and she is beautiful and all three of her parents are completely awestruck by her….but it’s been a stressful week…thankfully, I will be taking the week off from work next week to help out with the baby. I’ll post a pic or two soon.

So I was be-boppin’ around CNN.com today (as I am prone to do.) and I came across this article that talks about bounderies that people have with their partners related to…Ahem…bodily functions. It’s one of those things that makes you stop and think….hmmmmm…I have few bounderies with Keith primarily because we have been together for almost a decade…not a lot of time to some, but significant to me.

My personal thought is that we have children together, so obviously we know each other in the physical sense, he has seen, felt, etc pretty much every inch of my body, he has seen me with my liver sitting on my stomach (I had the girls by C-section), he has seen me at 3 AM hurling in the bathroom, he will come into the bathroom to talk to me when I am in the shower and vice versa…I have seen him recovering from surgery in a hospital bed. We have feed each other when the other was unable to do so for whatever reason (see aforementioned surgeries)..I can’t think of any real issue we have…wait, there is one…there is a specific act done in the bathroom that is a no no. It’s one of those “if I’m doing this…that’s fine, but if I’m doing the other thing…no” it’s the one aspect where I have told him, “that is the one thing I don’t want you know about me, and I don’t want to know about you.”

But that is just us….maybe you don’t want your hubby to see you in curlers…maybe that’s your boundary.

thoughts?

This is only supposd to happen with toy train sets and dollies that wet themselves.

December 28, 2008

Just a quick note. I’m really miffed today. My wonderful christmas present, my new camera, is dead. Kaput. It just won’t turn on. It’s probably out of juice and I can’t charge it because the USB cable is fried. so I have to return it, but I am just not happy. Keith was making fun of me about it last night because I was in tears. He reminded me that he kept the receipt. I knew there was a reason I loved this man.

Off to get a replacement. I’ll show the new one when I get back